Saturdays are for Sleeping
by Joyful-Sound
Summary: Winston Bishop had just one rule. One really simple rule. And, much to Winston's dismay, Nick and Jess seem utterly determined to ignore it.


**A little different from the usual, but this was definitely fun to write. Thank MayaLala for kicking me in the butt and telling me I have to at least attempt one challenge on time, haha! **

**Same disclaimer as always... I own nothing. **

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Saturdays are for Sleeping

Winston Bishop only had one rule. Just one.

He used to think it was the easiest roommate rule on the planet. Hell, he was _proud_ to say that his rule had nothing to do with dictating visitors or general cleanliness. They had Schmidt for all of that. His rule was so much better to live with. It was just that simple.

_Saturdays are for sleeping._

Because who doesn't love waking up too early Saturday morning, only to realize that there are three more beautiful hours of rest ahead? Winston certainly never complained.

Jessica Day and Nick Miller, however, seemed to have forgotten of this one little rule as of late.

They had been dating exactly six Saturday's time when Winston woke to the sound of giggling. He knew it had been _exactly_ six Saturdays because this was the _sixth_ time something of this nature had happened. As he glared dramatically at the clock blinking 9:30 AM back at him, another very feminine giggle rose from wherever it was in the loft, straight into Winston's ear.

"Saturdays are for _sleeping_," he grumbled, pushing himself out of the warmth of his sheets. He drug his feet to the door, determined to stop whatever madness that the recent lovebirds had come up with this time.

Last Saturday, he'd woken up to a legitimate argument over who loved who more. _Seriously_, the two idiots' argument had started over a stupid "I love you more" comment. _Who even does that? And on a freaking Saturday morning, of all things_!

When he yanked open his bedroom door, Winston was confused to see that nobody was in the living room, and upon further inspection, both of Nick and Jess's doors remained wide open. Schmidt wasn't home, and had shut and locked his door the night before, just so Nick and Jess wouldn't get any more ideas. That only left...

Winston groaned.

He realized all too late that the giggles were coming over the flow of shower water. Mist rose from the doorway to the bathroom, and Winston fought the urge to gag. He may not hear Nick's voice, but there was no question as to who was causing Jess to giggle.

_I mean, for real guys, I use that shower, too!_

He wasn't going to act like it surprised him. Schmidt had already set up a Clorox wipe station next to his conditioner after the first alleged shower incident, but for crying out loud, it was a _Saturday morning, _and Saturdays are for sleeping, _dammit_.

He had a strong urge to sit Nick down later and discuss the matter with him, but that was something he just wasn't comfortable with doing.

Winston never really tried to get involved into anything involving his roommates' relationships. Nick had a tendency to screw things up on his own. Schmidt had some really strange fascinations. Jess... Well, it was Jess and getting involved with that was just plain weird. Usually, he'd just step back at things like this, annoyed, and let whatever happens happen. There was something, though, about this being both Nick and Jess, and how they knew about his Saturdays rule, that really pissed him off.

He could run in screaming like a banshee, scaring the two of them senseless... Nah, that was too simple. He eyed the mousetrap-gnome contraption that Nick had set up in the corner of the living room and smirked inwardly. Maybe he could rig it outside the bathroom, with a string to set off the little axe that was supposed to decapitate the mouse, but _actually_ goes into one of their feet. Maybe it could play back "_Saturdays are for sleeping_!" over and over until they called for his help... _That_ would teach them _and_ he'd get a good prank out of it!

Oh, how he loved pranks.

However, his Saturday morning brain was doing most of the decision-making, so all Winston managed was to puff up his chest and make a heavy-footed beeline to the bathroom. The giggles had subsided, but he could almost _feel_ the two of them freeze when he entered. Nick's head appeared from around the the curtain, clearly flustered.

"Morning, Nick," Winston began coolly, making a grab for his toothbrush.

Nick's eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding semi truck, and he was just radiating words to the extent of "_oh, shit!"_

"Oh, uh, Winston. You're up early!"

Winston kept the sly smile to himself.

"Oh, you know, just couldn't get back to sleep," Winston replied, and Nick opened his mouth, but didn't seem to know if Winston was being sarcastic or not. Winston was then careful to make the act of brushing his teeth as painfully slow as possible. He wanted Nick and Jess to _feel_ the seconds ticking away from his Saturday morning. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nick retreat back to the shower. His hair was just visible over the curtain, and it seemed he was trying to look like he was showering, albeit a bit awkwardly. The smell of strawberries was almost overpowering, though, so Winston rinsed his mouth out and figured he'd have a little more fun.

"Don't you need your shampoo?" He tried not to look too smug as he glanced at the bottle still sitting on the ledge next to Schmidt's collection. Nick's eyes were even wider when his face appeared from around the curtain.

"Uh, no... I, uh..." Nick blinked. "I'm just rinsing off."

Winston raised an eyebrow. In that moment, Nick touched his hair, realizing for the first time that there were still traces of foamy suds clinging to his forehead.

"Well would ya look at that! I must've used my _body wash_ again!" He shrugged and tried to smile innocently. Winston had known Nick long enough to know when he was lying. He probably could've called him out on it this time, but Winston didn't think he'd done quite enough to drive his point home.

Feeling particularly evil, Winston turned to leave, only to stop dead in the doorway once he heard a very small, very girly, sigh of relief.

"Oh, Nick, I forgot," Winston backtracked, leaning against the door frame. "I have a question for you."

Nick stared back at Winston incredulously. Winston was certain he was violating some very regimented Guy Code rules with the shower talk, but Nick and Jess had broken his one simple rule, so he could care less about Guy Code (or loft etiquette) in this moment.

"Okay, so... uh..." Nick winced. "What do you need?"

"It's about Daisy..." Winston sighed wistfully. Saturday morning hazy brain seemed to be working for him. "Lately, she's been talking about stuff like kittens and bunnies while I'm trying to _get my mojo on_. Like talking about fuzzy animals is supposed to turn me on or something..." Okay, so not the _best_ lead-in to where he wanted the conversation to go, but it was at least something. "And, well, frankly, it's starting to get on my nerves. And I need you to - "

"Whoa, Winston!" Nick shook his head quickly, "I am _not_ the person that you want to - "

"Oh-_oh_ but you are!" The innocent smile was coming too easily to Winston. "I mean, you seem to be having very good luck in bed recently..." He acted like he didn't notice Nick gulp in a breath of air. There was also a pause, so Winston could add some dramatic effect. "...and I was just curious if Jess did anything that annoyed you like that. You know, so I can see if I'm completely in the wrong here."

Winston discovered that it was totally possible for Nick's eyes to get even wider. His fists were probably clenched, too, but Nick's head was still the only visible part of his body from around the shower curtain. Furthermore, if the shower hadn't still been running, Winston was sure that Nick would also be sweating bullets. _Take that, Saturday morning shenanigans... _

"Uhm, no not that I can..." Nick stuttered, then Winston raised an eyebrow. The last thing a guy wanted was to look like a pushover in front of his best friend. "Well, okay, there's this _one_ - OW!"

Nicks head jerked back into the shower, his hands clutching so tightly to the edge that his knuckles were white. He had pulled the curtain very closely to the edge when he'd ducked back in, just like he was trying to hide what was also inside from everyone in the bathroom. Winston didn't care to imagine what Jess had done to warrant such a reaction, but he really didn't care. They were being loud. Winston was going to milk this for all it was worth.

Winston waited patiently, trying not to smile too hard when Nick's head appeared back around the curtain. Messing with Nick was entirely too much fun.

"So, Winston, now really isn't a good time..."

"Really?" Winston blinked, feigning innocence. "_Now_ isn't a good time to talk? It's Saturday morning! What time could _possibly_ be better?"

"Uh, after my shower?" Nicked edged, a little too hopeful that this would get rid of Winston. Winston had other ideas.

"But _I_ think this is a great time," Winston argued. "What else is there to do so early on a _Saturday morning_? I'm sure it has _nothing_ to do with sleeping!"

Winston watched the gears in Nick's head turn for a few seconds, before Nick opened his mouth, promptly closed it, and then sighed.

"Is this about the whole Saturday morning rule?"

Winston stared back at him blankly, then folded his arms across his chest. Surely Nick wasn't _that_ clueless...

Nick closed his eyes, and sighed again. "Okay, okay, it is about the whole sleeping thing. I remember it, you don't have to look at me like that!"

Winston leaned against the door frame, once again fighting a smirk.

"So we are in agreement that we keep it quiet in the shower from now on?"

Nick nodded furiously. "Will do, definitely, you will _not_ hear anything out of me. You know, I can just get so carried away with singing sometimes..." He laughed nervously.

"Singing, huh?" Winston arched an eyebrow. "So all those giggles have _nothing_ to do with Jess? You're just a grown man, giggling to yourself in the shower?"

Nick's face then flushed a brilliant shade of red, then shook his head so hard that beads of water slung off of his hair on onto the bathroom tile. "Jess? Of course not! I don't know what you're talking about! She - "

"Dude," Winston rolled his eyes. "You either laugh like a girl or you're taking a shower with your girlfriend. I'm not stupid."

With that, a little rustle behind the curtain gave Winston some additional confirmation, not that he really needed any more. Her head peered around the other side of the curtain soon after, those big eyes trying to look oh-so innocent. Unlike Nick, Winston could resist this and was still too annoyed with the two of them to care that he'd interrupted anything.

"Oh, hey Winston..." She grinned sheepishly. "Fancy seeing you up this early..."

Winston rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips. "I wouldn't be up this early if it weren't for you two!" Nick returned his comment with a smug grin, and Winston fired back his best glare. "This is not funny! I want you two to repeat after me - _Saturdays. Are. For. Sleeping_!"

Jess and Nick only managed to mumble something the resembled his statement.

"What did you say?" Winston prodded, waiting for a better response.

Nick rolled his eyes. "Winston, is this really - "

"YES!"

"Okay, fine, fine," Nick sighed, then looked at Jess. They both took in deep breaths before finally speaking.

"Saturdays are for sleeping."

Winston nodded, finally satisfied at their response. "Good. Now, remember that! I don't wanna hear a sound out of either of you for the next three hours!"

With that, he turned to leave in the most dramatic way possible, but Jess's voice interrupted his attempt.

"Wait! Winston! We're not really gonna talk about what just happened, are we?" She asked, her tone almost guilty. Like _hell_ Winston was going to take this conversation to the feeling stick. Both Nick and Winston's voice chorused similar replies.

"Nope."

"Not a chance."

Jess sighed, and the last thing Winston heard before he exited the bathroom was the shower water hissing to a halt. He could feel the pull at his eyelids as he made his way back to his room, indicative that he definitely should not be up right now.

_Hopefully this will get them to shut up for a few more hours_, he thought as he flung himself back onto his bed. After an unexpected detour with his roommates, Winston was finally able to close his eyes and get back to his Saturday morning doing exactly what Saturday mornings were meant for...

Sleeping.

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**This idea had been sitting in my documents for awhile, so I hope I was able to do Winston some justice. Thanks for reading!  
**


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